Introducing.Linda Duffin For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Stanley. Yes hard as it is to believe, they tell me that there are still one or two members of your clubby thing who have still not had the pleasure of meeting me. Well your loss, I can cope. Just in case there are some who still don’t understand this is a picture of me. Now be honest, have you ever seen a finer canine specimen in your life? I thought not.I know it will be me that you want to hear about, but to save confusing you, let me explain my home set-up. If any of you are finding any of this hard to follow, don’t worry, you are only human. I will go slowly for you. I love animals (preferably not overcooked) so I indulge myself by keeping a number of pets at home, I am lucky to live in a house in where I have the space to keep them all. I keep four humans, well ok only two are here all of the time, they are Linda and Neil. They have a couple of pups that they call Caroline and Simon, but they are not around much now............ You can’t keep them for ever can you?....... I know that they are not just for Christmas, but there comes a time when you have to let go. I know it can be hard, but it’s for their own good really. My two have gone a bit feral to be honest, though they still come back from time to time. If they stay too long I piss on their clothes and chew a shoe or two, I find this usually works. I know you shouldn’t have favourites, but the one I call Linda is much better than the rest of them. She has been so easy to train, and even after all this time she still does my bidding immediately. All I have to do is to let her know what I want and immediately she gets it sorted. The other one seems to have a problem with the doing what he is told bit, but with Linda around it’s really not worth the hassle of training him up. As well as Humans I keep a few horses and goats. Over the years I have found this to be the perfect way of keeping Linda in line. I let her sit on top of my horse, in return for which, she sees to my every whim. Is this a good deal? Do dogs shit on the grass? It’s a bloody fine deal, believe me. Mind you, I have never quite got my head around this sitting on top of horses bit, (or trying to)., but it does seem to keep her happy. I have a few mates who have pet Human Women, and they like to sit on horses as well. we have talked about this and consulted the wise elders . We think it must be some bizarre sort of courtship or mating ritual. A few of my mates and I set up a sort of club where our humans and our horses can play together. It has been a brilliant idea, ( of mine of course)they all love it, and it really helps to keep them exercised. The only problem is that sometimes they get rather over excited, and then you know that there will be tears before bedtime. This is when they get broken too. Last year Linda did this, she was trying to make the horse fly . This is always the way they get broken, what makes them think horses can fly? “LIKE HELLO, DO THEY HAVE WINGS ?” How many other animals without wings can fly ? Well DUHHH, this aint rocket science you know. Well surprise surprise she got broken, badly broken. For a while I thought I was going to have to buy a new one, but the menders sorted her out in the end. Just as well really, they don’t come cheap you know. You can believe me, I put a stop to this dumb horse flying bit after that. There was one good thing about it, she got quite good at mending humans, so when we have club meetings I take her along in case any of the others need mending. I think this is about as much as I am allowed to say so I will leave it now . Just before I go, I have this wonderful picture of my mate Beezer, What a superb view, and I am not talking about the wall.
STAN
|
|
|
|
